KEEP SPARKLING

So yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who candidly reflected to me that I’ve been judged by others because I walk with this happy/perky, everything-is-sunshine bounce that comes across as inauthentic and put-on. She said that people will be more likely to judge me less, if I just showed my shadow side a bit more, if I got more ‘real’.

I explained to her that I’m aware of how my way of being can rub people that wrong way, aware of people of not relating to my personality, the high-pitched cadence might be a source of annoyance, aware of certain people thinking that I’m trying to ‘get’ something when I’m smiling or being nice- especially if they have had no reference point for my openness. I feel she may have shared this reflection as an act of caring, to help me see aspects of my personality that I could improve on.

I don’t think many locals truly understand the experience of a newly- arrived unskilled migrant(as I was, at that time) when they first come and settle in a new country. The awkwardness of relating, hiding behind friendliness. Feeling small. The vulnerability of not having family support. The uncertainty of getting kicked out of the country.

I had to pry shyness and pride out of my throat to ask for directions, to ask for help, to ask for lifts. The feeling like I had to be pleasant and friendly to be welcomed into social spaces, to energetically ‘earn’ my space in ‘belonging’. I didn’t have the privilege of just ‘being myself’’ in a context that was totally different to what I have always known. And in many cases, I didn’t even know what ‘being myself’ meant when evolution is a rapidly changing phenomenon, as one moves through radically different environments.

When you don’t belong to any group, community or tribe, and don’t have a shared history to anchor you to a physical or emotional space within a place, then kindness and warmth become the compass for guiding you to a home and community, away from home.

Everyday was a crash course in figuring out who I am – what is that part in me that is unchangeable – and who I want to be, in this new and foreign land. In the process of ‘fitting in’ and learning about the futility of ‘fitting in’, I am understanding now what my life is teaching me and what I have to stay true to. How the unpacking of my life’s circumstances and my socialisation processes has shaped me to be who I am today. And this is relevant to everyone, not just a story of a newly-arrived migrant.

So basically, I’m saying : What I choose to do with my evolution, in my private spaces is my own business. What I share –be it my shadow or my shine – is also, MY CHOICE.

Focusing on the positives of a situation, being open and determined to create a better possibility for myself was my bedrock when things got challenging. Staying open was like that gravitational pull that lead me to other open people, who slowly helped me to be feel more comfortable, more at ease, more at home.

So I choose to stay open in life. Even though the ‘cool’ people think that its not so cool to appear ‘perky’, enthusiastic and excited about life.

I told this friend that it’s a human shortcoming to judge harshly what you don’t know and I cannot change that. It is my(and ours) right to choose everyday who I am, how I act and how I want to be. I am so grateful for my life, so grateful for what I’m able to accomplish, so grateful for the freedom that is now afforded to me, so grateful for my own sense of discernment, so grateful for my courage of leaving home, so grateful for my ability to shoulder my shadows, so grateful for my loving friends and partner, so grateful for finally receiving the full blessings of my mother and father, so grateful that I’m enjoying all the work that I do, so grateful that I’m finally able to put myself through University. I’m so grateful that I no longer feel small, or fearful, or awkward, or like a second-class citizen. Why should I walk around appearing less than how that Gratitude shows up in my gait, in my smile and shoulders, in my bounce, in the tone of my voice – just to appease other’s expectations of what is ‘real’ by the measuring stick of their life’s experiences?

To all the judges out there, you will never know the storm of someone’s life, and the clouds they have pierced through, the scars they have bared, their endless capacity to love- even the haters.

The value of true friendship lies in choosing to bring to the surface, and magnify the strengths of your friends, amplifying and focusing on their beauty and not their weaknesses. Speaking of it, reminding them of it, showing them more of it – their beauty, their grace, their capacity for healing and greatness. To my friends that see me, love me– thank you- for showing and teaching me about true friendship and what to nurture – for celebrating me – I feel the same for you. I will always be here if you need me. To all the other ‘perky’ people that have felt judged for being who you are, this post is for you too. I love this saying, ‘What other people think about you is none of your business!’ If this is easier said than done, then use that energy as a motivating and transmuting force to further develop yourself, to expand your heart, to love yourself even more deeply than ever before so that your self-love is an impenetrable fortress that no words can shake

‪#‎transmutejudgementtoselflove‬ ‪#‎magnifylove‬ # stayopen ‪#‎itsyourchoice‬ ‪#‎powerofthefouragreements‬

#transmutejudgementtoselflove #magnifylove #stayopen #itsyourchoice #popowerofthefouragreements